There is this one person who's been dragging me down. For a long time, I've lost my self-esteem because luckily I always have this someone who puts the blame on everything this person doesn't have. From the inconceivable shallow things to the things I highly value, this person has everything against me. I am sick of living a life and afraid of hurting this person since my happiness equates to this person's hurts.  I don't like being blamed for being born into this world. I always unconsciously try not hard enough, become unsuccessful, not love the best I could and live a life of mediocrity. Since I'll end up hurting this person, I don't want to be favored by everyone. And so I grew up being selfish, stubborn, despicable and an underachiever.

I wish I could be stronger and finally find forgiveness for this person. But I guess every time this person lifts a finger against me, I become weaker than ever. I let it win. I accept the blame.

How will I handle the damage? I am scared that I’ll treat life with more cruelty and eventually have the ways this person dealt with it, putting the blame instead on this person.

I guess I will constantly feel my defeat. I am vengeful and I can never forgive you. You’ve taught me so.

And just like the old days, I can always put on a band-aid smile and get on with my life.