I am still in a state of depression. I find myself useless. I still hate my job. I am bored 99% of the time and there is no feeling of fulfillment. The only reason why I still go to work is to make a living.

Maybe it’s me or my lack of my enthusiasm. Maybe I want something new. Maybe I am not fit for an IT job. I dread to believe the latter, since an IT job is the only thing that could help me achieve my financial goals and to work abroad. What will I do if I discover that this is not my true vocation? It’s scary.

I want to know my true calling. I want to have a stable mindset.

Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking much. I don’t know. Maybe I am just a lazy IT analyst in denial.