For the sake of myself
being remembered by my short-term memory I write lines--overly non-sensical
lines of random thoughts burning with pessimism, nauseous hopelessness, spoofable
reflections, gibberish rants and sometimes retracting suicidal grains of food
cravings, insane cursings... I don't write to be appreciated. My fiction deserves
no attention. I type blank-spaced blahs of words, similar to forgetful lines
if ever you are reading these words, forgive yourself on why the heck you've
thought of browsing this page. You might feel depressed as I ponder my thoughts
on my life... so you better exit now and save yourself from insanity. Bow.
Sheethead
Queen
This is a blog written by the queen of Sheetheads. Wondering what that word
means? Sheethead is a clay mineral powder which is used to absorb oil and
grease from non-washable fabrics. Or maybe it means a head full of bright
semi-shitty crappy ideas. Or maybe Sheethead doesn’t mean anything.
This blog is
full-heartedly dedicated to Smokey’s hotdog, isaw, hematophobics, Master
Splinter of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to people strangled by the Sheethead,
to anti-posers, to the late Luis Taruc and other Pinoy liberalists and nationalists,
to the Visayan nephew, to paranoid loving parents, to siblings and relatives,
to Christian Bautista, to Iranians, to Quentin Tarantino, to UAAP fans who’ve
mistaken this blog as their idols’ fan site, to the wondrous sights
of the Philippines and of course, to YOU! YIHEE!
Quote
for the day:
If you do not know who I am, maybe you do not know who I am.
Thus, I’ve
crafted “Ten Magnificent Random Things You Should Know About
Me.” Only 90% of this is authentic. 1 is a lie.
1. I am a 24 year
old IT analyst in denial. I am an MIS graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University. I have been blogging since 2004 and developed my asthma while being bored with corporate life.
2. I am afraid of blood and roaches.
3. I am currently addicted to Damien Rice's, Up Dharma Down's and The Beatles' music.
4. I have mild amnesia and I am a fulfilled insomniac.
5. My dream is to be DOT's secretary someday.
6. I still dream of becoming a rockstar someday.br>
7. I crave for lobsters, isaw, kilawin, Meatshop's steak, more prawns, oyster, Lord Stow egg tart, Philadelphia cheesecake, aligue, calif maki, leche flan and tomato soup.
8. My knight will soon take me to Sagada, Mt. Pinatubo, Camiguin, Siquijor,
Sorsogon, Siargao, Isabela and Sulu.
9. Horsebackriding was my passion. Surfing is my dream.
10. I love singing DJ Alvaro's songs on videoke.
Wishlist:
Condo in Makati, Canon EOS 40D, Wii, TV Stick Tuner for iMac, stone driller, Godfather original DVD, P.O.A dress, violet Chuckies, free one month massage, Kitkat, Choco Mallows, Lord Stow egg tart lifetime supply, JBL sound system, B Series MB, violet Samsonite luggage, gold Rolex watch, all expense-paid trip to Batanes, Tokyo, Mt. Pinatubo, New Zealand, Siargao, Marinduque, Guimaras, Swiss Alps, France, Himalayas, Africa
Book-o-rama
Great Reads:
Alan Lightman, Nietzsche, Freud, Jessica Hagedorn,
Randy David, Conrado de Quiros, Dave Eggers, JD Salinger, Mark Haddon, Lourd de Veyra,
Doug Lansky, Michael Cunningham, Frank McCourt, Harper Lee, Gabriel Garcia
Marquez, Ramil Gulle, Bill Watterson, Roald Dahl, Nick Joaquin, Robert Fulghum,
Neil Gaiman, Citiatlas
Music-worthy
Lokals:
Dicta License, Up Dharma Down, Urban Dub, Sugarfree, Cynthia Alexander, Rivermaya, Radioactive Sago Project, P.O.T., Imago, Razorback, Wolfgang, Orange and Lemons, Brownbeat All Stars, Bamboo, The Bridge, Sugar Hiccups, Sheila and the Insects, Sponge Cola, Sandwich, Sponge Cola, Session Road, Kjwan, Kapatid, Barbie’s Cradle, The Teeth, Eraserheads, HYP, Joey Ayala, Gary Granada, Brownman Revival, True Faith, Side A, Parokya ni Edgar, Freestyle, South Border, Christian Bautista, Michael Cruz, Gary V.
Music-worthy Foreign Invasions:
Smashing Pumpkins, The BEATLES, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Damien Rice, Nirvana, Moonpools and Caterpillars, Aida Broadway, Foo Fighters, Oasis, 311, Our Lady Peace, Pearl Jam, Incubus, Deftones, System of A Down, Jars of Clay, Fra Lippo Lippi, Depeche Mode, The White Stripes, Janis Joplin, Boyz II Men, Silverchair, The White Stripes, Caetano Veloso, Tracy Chapman, No Doubt, Vertical Horizon, A Perfect Circle, Snow Patrol, Ne-yo, Regina Spektor, Keane, Sarah McLachlan, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Usher, Live, Rage Against the Machine, Cold Play, Alanis Morisette, 50 Cent, Cranberries, Jewel, Tori Amos, Staind, Blur, Stevie Wonder, At The Drive-In, Nat King Cole, Goo Goo Dolls
Movie
Mania
In
The Mood For Love, Big Time!, Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Reality Bites, Legend of 1900, Gattaca, I am David, Endo, Juno, Kite Runner, Schindler's
List, , Olivier, Olivier, Fight Club, City of God, Chungking Express, Cinema
Paradiso, Malena, Children of Heaven, Children of Paradise, Primal Fear, American
History X, Fahrenheit 9/11, Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon, Karnal, Fallen,
Catch Me If You Can, Fallen Angels, La Jette, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Perros,
The Crime of Padre Amarro, Legend of the Falls, In America, American Beauty,
Snow Falling On Cedars, Amelie, Run Lola Run, Talk To Her, The Rainmaker,
Seven, Life is Beautiful, My Best Friend's Wedding, Confessions of A Dangerous
Mind, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Kill Bill, Godfather 1, Motorcycle Diaries,
Godfather 2, Closer, Mulan, Shawshank Redemption, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest, The Others, Practical Magic, Chocolat, The Matrix 1, Shrek, Monsters,
Inc., Almost Famous, The Pianist, Girl Interrupted, Lost in Translation, Cider
House Rules, Devil's Advocate, Dead Man Walking, Philadelphia, Citizen Kane,
Not One Less, Minority Report, Sixth Sense, Big Fish, Kill Bill 2, Godfather
3, Artificial Intelligence, Killing Me Softly, Vertical Limit, L'Appartement,
Au Revoir Les Enfantes, Osama, The Adaptation, Imelda, Queen Margot, American
Rhapsody, La Vida Rosa, Before Sunset, Waking Life
Suwerte-suwerte lang naman ang buhay eh. ‘Yung iba nakakatsamba. Hindi nila kailangang maghirap para yumaman. Pero marami ‘yung ‘di ganun ka-suwerte-- ‘yung ipinanganak palang, dusa na… buong buhay gagapang… buong buhay lahat dadaanin sa hirap. Anong magagawa mo kung ganon? Magalit ka? Kanino? Sa Diyos? Walang pakialam ang Diyos sa pinipili ng tao. Hindi ba sabe lahat raw pagsubok? Kung bumagsak ka sa pagsubok, malas mo. Ang maganda nga lang diyan, wala namang may gustong ipanganak ang tao eh. ‘Pag pinanganak ka, e di nandito ka. Kung anong gagawin mo sa buhay mo, panagutan mo.
Marami d’yan nagpapakabait, mahirap ‘yun. Sa panahong ito, mas madaling maging gago kaysa maging santo. Marami d’yan sinasabi ayaw na nila. Kung kaya nila, eh di good. Kung hindi naman, sorry na lang. Hindi lahat ng nagpapakatino, nagiging matino. Pero mali rin ‘yung magparatang ba, yung magmalinis. ‘Yung sasabihing ang sasama ng mga tao dahil sa kanilang ginagawa. Mas mabuting makakita ‘yung ginagawa.
Mas mahirap intindihin kung bakit ginagawa ng tao ang kanilang nakakayanang gawin. ‘Pag ang tao pinagbintangang masama, lahat ng paghihirap niya ay tinatawag na parusa. ‘Pag ang tao tinawag na malaswa, ipinamigay na niya ang karapatan niyang kaawaan.
Sa taong hindi natutuyuan ng pawis o natutulog ng gutom, sa taong iniisip ang sasabihin ng iba kaysa sa nararamdaman ng isa, pero hindi naman interesado ang tao magtanong. Nakikita lang nila kung ano ang kanilang nakikita. Naaawa, nandidiri, sumusumpa. Pero sa mga ganyang tao… iisa lang ang masasabi ko: ‘Tang ina niyo!
Ang tao lumuluhod sa pagsamba sa Diyos… pero ang tao handang humilata at magpakamatay sa pagsamba sa pera. Hindi naman mahirap intindihin ‘yon diba? Kung sino may pera, siya ang makapangyarihan. Kung sinong may pera syang may karapatang mabuhay. Wala ng kataka-taka dun.
Kung minsan naiisip ko rin, paano kaya ako kung medyo naiba. Iba ang aking nanay. Kung iba ang aking kinabagsakan? Kung iba ang mundo ko? Iniimagine ko na mayaman ako... May syota. May pamilya. Tapos malinis ang aking paligid. Masaya ang aking buhay. Tapos lalo ka lang malulungkot. ‘Pag iniisip mong wala sa’yo, lalong sasama ang loob mo. ‘Pag ‘di ka naman nag-aambisyon, ‘pag ‘di ka na nangangarap, mas madaling tanggapin ang kakaunting nasa sa iyo. Kaya dumating ang panahon na sinabi ko sa aking sarili, hindi na ako iiyak. ‘Di na ako marunong umiyak.
Hindi dapat sineseryoso ang buhay eh. Dapat sakay lang ng sakay. Kung iisipin mo ang lahat ng nangyayari sa’yo, wala. Masisiraan ka lang ng ulo. Sobrang lungkot. ‘Yung iba sinasabi na lahat daw pagsubok… na merong napakagandang langit na naghihintay sa kabila ng buhay… Pero paano kung chismis lang na may langit na naghihintay sa nagpapakabait? Sa pinagdaanan ko na, bakit pa ako matatakot sa impyerno?
Lahat daw nalilito sa palad—sa mga guhit. Pero ewan ko kung papaano nangyari ‘yun. Sabi nila ‘pag pinanganak daw ang isang tao, mangyayari ang dapat mangyari. Kahit ano pang gawin, ‘yung nakatakda, ‘yun lang ang manyayari. Kahit ano pa ang lakas ng tao, kahit gaano pa siya kasigasig, ang mangyayari lang… ‘yung itinalaga. Sa araw pa lang na ipinanganak tayo, may deadline na kung kelan tayo aalis sa mundo.
…Kaya hindi na ako nagtatanong… Hindi na sa akin importante ang tama at mali… Mangyari na ang mangyari. Hindi ko na rin sinisisi kahit sino. ‘Di na ako nagtatanong sa Diyos. Minsan nga nahihiya pa akong kausapin siya. Ayoko namang lumapit sa kanya para humingi. Sa ilang pagkakataon, kinakausap ko siya para magpasalamat.
Hindi ako masama. Hindi rin ako mabuti. Wala ng tama o mali sa akin. Mas kasumpa-sumpa ‘yon. Alam niyo hindi ko alam kung kelan ako huminto kakapangarap. Pag gabi nga eh, di na ako nananaginip. Madilim lang. Parang blackout ang lahat.
Kung minsan, iniisip ko paano kung habang pagtulog ko, hindi na ako magising? Nung bata pa ako natatakot talaga ako. Ayoko ng bigla na lamang akong mamatay. Pero ngayon okey lang. Lahat naman tayo may taning. Hindi lang natin alam kung kalian. Naghihintay. Naghihintay ng ewan… Naghihintay ng wala. Naglalakas-loob, nagkukunwari na lahat okay lang dahil lahat naman okay lang naman eh. At habang hinihintay natin ang araw na bawiin itong ipinahiram na buhay, sakay lang ng sakay… pikit-mata.
Magigising tayo, maghihilamos, kakain, tatae, maliligo, iinom, kakayod, gagastos… Tapos matutulog ulit. Lahat naman nadadaan sa lakas-loob eh. Kung gugustuhin mo, makakaya mo. Walang hiya-hiya. Mas mahapdi raw ang sakit ng tiyan dala ng gutom kaysa sa kakulitan ng konsyensya.
Kaya siguro ako, ‘di na ako marunong umiyak. Aksaya lang ng lakas ang pag-iyak.
“Eh mas mabuti pa’ng magnanakaw kaysa sa pangbababoy na ginagawa mo sa sarili mo eh.”
“Sa pagkakaalam ko, mas maraming magnanakaw sa impyerno at saka wala pa akong alam na baboy na sumama kay Satanas.”
“Pare, ang buhay ang impyerno. Wala ng hihigit pa roon.”
“Siguro nga.”
“Humihinga ka pa, lumaban ka!”
“Sino bang kalaban ko?”
“Eh ‘di yang sarili mo!”
Whew! That was Jose Javier Reyes’ Live Show. A fantastic film showing us hopelessness of life… Even if it is a depressing film, it says that amidst that hopelessness, we must hold on to this life no matter how miserable it is. Sakay lang ng sakay. Except for some actress’ acting skills, the movie’s really great. Some parts are funny ang philosophical. It did let me appreciate Pinoy films for the 3nd time in my life. I don’t know why Eddie V. whispered to GMA’s ear years ago to condemn this film. Just watch this film. And I’m telling you, it’s really different from typical Pinoy porn films.
Posted at 1/24/2005 11:31:27 pm by jazzthoughts
jazz January 27, 2005 12:45 PM PST hi hyza! Ang title nya ay Liveshow a.k.a. Toro by Jose Javier Reyes. Ok sya:)
hyza January 27, 2005 10:24 AM PST wow! :) i wanna watch it. what was the title again? buhay by jose javier reyes? il try to find a copy online on eBay or amazon, sana meron..
