For the sake of myself
being remembered by my short-term memory I write lines--overly non-sensical
lines of random thoughts burning with pessimism, nauseous hopelessness, spoofable
reflections, gibberish rants and sometimes retracting suicidal grains of food
cravings, insane cursings... I don't write to be appreciated. My fiction deserves
no attention. I type blank-spaced blahs of words, similar to forgetful lines
if ever you are reading these words, forgive yourself on why the heck you've
thought of browsing this page. You might feel depressed as I ponder my thoughts
on my life... so you better exit now and save yourself from insanity. Bow.
Sheethead
Queen
This is a blog written by the queen of Sheetheads. Wondering what that word
means? Sheethead is a clay mineral powder which is used to absorb oil and
grease from non-washable fabrics. Or maybe it means a head full of bright
semi-shitty crappy ideas. Or maybe Sheethead doesn’t mean anything.
This blog is
full-heartedly dedicated to Smokey’s hotdog, isaw, hematophobics, Master
Splinter of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to people strangled by the Sheethead,
to anti-posers, to the late Luis Taruc and other Pinoy liberalists and nationalists,
to the Visayan nephew, to paranoid loving parents, to siblings and relatives,
to Christian Bautista, to Iranians, to Quentin Tarantino, to UAAP fans who’ve
mistaken this blog as their idols’ fan site, to the wondrous sights
of the Philippines and of course, to YOU! YIHEE!
Quote
for the day:
If you do not know who I am, maybe you do not know who I am.
Thus, I’ve
crafted “Ten Magnificent Random Things You Should Know About
Me.” Only 90% of this is authentic. 1 is a lie.
1. I am a 24 year
old IT analyst in denial. I am an MIS graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University. I have been blogging since 2004 and developed my asthma while being bored with corporate life.
2. I am afraid of blood and roaches.
3. I am currently addicted to Damien Rice's, Up Dharma Down's and The Beatles' music.
4. I have mild amnesia and I am a fulfilled insomniac.
5. My dream is to be DOT's secretary someday.
6. I still dream of becoming a rockstar someday.br>
7. I crave for lobsters, isaw, kilawin, Meatshop's steak, more prawns, oyster, Lord Stow egg tart, Philadelphia cheesecake, aligue, calif maki, leche flan and tomato soup.
8. My knight will soon take me to Sagada, Mt. Pinatubo, Camiguin, Siquijor,
Sorsogon, Siargao, Isabela and Sulu.
9. Horsebackriding was my passion. Surfing is my dream.
10. I love singing DJ Alvaro's songs on videoke.
Wishlist:
Condo in Makati, Canon EOS 40D, Wii, TV Stick Tuner for iMac, stone driller, Godfather original DVD, P.O.A dress, violet Chuckies, free one month massage, Kitkat, Choco Mallows, Lord Stow egg tart lifetime supply, JBL sound system, B Series MB, violet Samsonite luggage, gold Rolex watch, all expense-paid trip to Batanes, Tokyo, Mt. Pinatubo, New Zealand, Siargao, Marinduque, Guimaras, Swiss Alps, France, Himalayas, Africa
Book-o-rama
Great Reads:
Alan Lightman, Nietzsche, Freud, Jessica Hagedorn,
Randy David, Conrado de Quiros, Dave Eggers, JD Salinger, Mark Haddon, Lourd de Veyra,
Doug Lansky, Michael Cunningham, Frank McCourt, Harper Lee, Gabriel Garcia
Marquez, Ramil Gulle, Bill Watterson, Roald Dahl, Nick Joaquin, Robert Fulghum,
Neil Gaiman, Citiatlas
Music-worthy
Lokals:
Dicta License, Up Dharma Down, Urban Dub, Sugarfree, Cynthia Alexander, Rivermaya, Radioactive Sago Project, P.O.T., Imago, Razorback, Wolfgang, Orange and Lemons, Brownbeat All Stars, Bamboo, The Bridge, Sugar Hiccups, Sheila and the Insects, Sponge Cola, Sandwich, Sponge Cola, Session Road, Kjwan, Kapatid, Barbie’s Cradle, The Teeth, Eraserheads, HYP, Joey Ayala, Gary Granada, Brownman Revival, True Faith, Side A, Parokya ni Edgar, Freestyle, South Border, Christian Bautista, Michael Cruz, Gary V.
Music-worthy Foreign Invasions:
Smashing Pumpkins, The BEATLES, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Damien Rice, Nirvana, Moonpools and Caterpillars, Aida Broadway, Foo Fighters, Oasis, 311, Our Lady Peace, Pearl Jam, Incubus, Deftones, System of A Down, Jars of Clay, Fra Lippo Lippi, Depeche Mode, The White Stripes, Janis Joplin, Boyz II Men, Silverchair, The White Stripes, Caetano Veloso, Tracy Chapman, No Doubt, Vertical Horizon, A Perfect Circle, Snow Patrol, Ne-yo, Regina Spektor, Keane, Sarah McLachlan, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Usher, Live, Rage Against the Machine, Cold Play, Alanis Morisette, 50 Cent, Cranberries, Jewel, Tori Amos, Staind, Blur, Stevie Wonder, At The Drive-In, Nat King Cole, Goo Goo Dolls
Movie
Mania
In
The Mood For Love, Big Time!, Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Reality Bites, Legend of 1900, Gattaca, I am David, Endo, Juno, Kite Runner, Schindler's
List, , Olivier, Olivier, Fight Club, City of God, Chungking Express, Cinema
Paradiso, Malena, Children of Heaven, Children of Paradise, Primal Fear, American
History X, Fahrenheit 9/11, Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon, Karnal, Fallen,
Catch Me If You Can, Fallen Angels, La Jette, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Perros,
The Crime of Padre Amarro, Legend of the Falls, In America, American Beauty,
Snow Falling On Cedars, Amelie, Run Lola Run, Talk To Her, The Rainmaker,
Seven, Life is Beautiful, My Best Friend's Wedding, Confessions of A Dangerous
Mind, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Kill Bill, Godfather 1, Motorcycle Diaries,
Godfather 2, Closer, Mulan, Shawshank Redemption, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest, The Others, Practical Magic, Chocolat, The Matrix 1, Shrek, Monsters,
Inc., Almost Famous, The Pianist, Girl Interrupted, Lost in Translation, Cider
House Rules, Devil's Advocate, Dead Man Walking, Philadelphia, Citizen Kane,
Not One Less, Minority Report, Sixth Sense, Big Fish, Kill Bill 2, Godfather
3, Artificial Intelligence, Killing Me Softly, Vertical Limit, L'Appartement,
Au Revoir Les Enfantes, Osama, The Adaptation, Imelda, Queen Margot, American
Rhapsody, La Vida Rosa, Before Sunset, Waking Life
I am twenty one years old. Never been kissed. Never been loved. Never been taken. Prime CEO of No Boyfriend Since Birth.
For years, I've convinced myself that a strong woman like me could survive centuries of singlehood without any dealings of romance; without the feelings of teenybopper sentimental sugar; without the stupidity of love; without the dependence for the male specie. I thought that I could live with my happy happy self and my perverted illusions of men (whom I could never have). And finally now, I've realized that I need this someone who will complete me, who will affirm my existence into this world. I am depressed these past few months, felt so low that I need someone to resurrect my presence, to further define my being a woman.
I started realizing this when, for the first time, I shopped Ayala's midnight madness by myself without a friend, without a brother, without a mother or whoever boyfriend-proxy available in this world who could possibly accompany me on a Friday night. I drove by myself without anyone. I shopped and shopped for more than four hours without anyone! I ate at a food store by myself. I fought the maddening crowd by myself. I carried paper bags by myself. Talked to no one but me. And I felt so alone when it seemed like everyone had their prime objects of tenderness with them. I realized that the odd world must have been created to be divisible into 2. And I am the prime remainder. The lonely one. The single and single, no dedicator of passion, no one in tow, no dearest, no peanut butter, no honey, no partner in crime. Everybody has their own pair. Meanwhile, I… am I.
Reality bit me… that I need someone. I need to fall in love. I need to experience this ecstasy-driven force called love and to be loved (minus the stuff toy giving and the stupid name callings). I want someone to die-for-and-cry-for, to dry my tears just when I need him most, to accompany me in times when some friends call off our gimmicks on a last minute.
For the first time, I felt bad looking at couples having the great time of their lives draining their pockets for the extravaganza midnight sale. Jealousy polluted the mall when I saw couples helping each other pick their Christmas outfits. That would be nice and exciting if I have a honey bunny wait outside the fitting room (and guard extra-terrestrial aliens from taking over my place). Oh macaroni, I want someone to carry my paper bags! I want someone to drive me to the office. I want a slave! (Huh, just kidding!)
Now I find myself gritting my teeth when I see women much uglier than the ugly in me carry fresh tulips or whatever delicious cheesecake there is in this world (no roses please!)! Why can't it be me? What the fudge is wrong with me? Why am I single to this day? Even the fat woman with an irritating blonde-colored hair lining up the counter has someone in this lonely world! Even the narrow-minded teenagers in their Meng-gow or Guesh outfits speaking let's make kwento have their boyfriends! I am so frustrated and agitated of this reality that every time my office seatmate talks to his boyfriend at least thrice a day, a strange melancholy fills the deepest veins of my aorta. I've always wanted someone to "kumusta me" rain or shine! Oh strange, that sometimes I want to pretend talking to a non-existing behbeh to overpower the radiance emanating from the sweetness of the other side of the cube.
I am serious (except for the delusional exaggerated lines above). I don't think I could live each day of this life without… a man (cringe). On a side note, this is what shopping without someone does unto you. And when most of your friends get "coupled" faster than you think that the NBSB's population growth will increase, you get frustrated. Ahh, these are the times when you feel like a true human being-- alone, independent and lonely.
Oh well, next time I see the object of my "wet dreams" (what I meant was objects of wild illusions), I will gush at him, "Every woman needs a man! I need you!" And oh Lord, I am praying that he wouldn't reply: "But I am not a man! Stupid woman! Hmpf!"
Posted at 11/19/2005 6:39:55 pm by jazzthoughts
aileen November 24, 2005 11:10 AM PST anak ng.. manang na, engr pa, ayusin mo nga buhay mo... tama.. hormonal imbalance... kulang-kulang ka kasi! kulang ng landi sa buhay, di mo ko gayahin, tatlong HETEROseksual napapagsabay.. hahaha... gud lak kay metrosexual!
Name November 24, 2005 09:12 AM PST jazz, sorry bout friday night. I know i was supposed to accompany you that night pero because of my "kalandian", i was not able to.. hehe Next time talaga, I promise I'll accompany you na so that you won't feel alone! haha (drama mo dear!:p)
jazz November 23, 2005 02:41 PM PST naks naman manang engr. aileen! ganyan talaga ang buhay! baka naman hormonal lang ang aking pagiging sentimental kurukuru! ahh basta, isang araw magiging kame rin ni metrosekswal na kurukuru! kelangan ko si bakla!
jajajaaaaaaaaaa! hoy, trono ko yon! bleh!
jaja November 22, 2005 07:57 AM PST jazziiieeeeee... there u go... pero inagaw mo ang trono ko! ako kaya ang presidente ng NBSB team! hahahahahhahahahahah... :p
every word is me. period. hahahahahaha....
love u jazzzieeeeeeeee
aileen November 21, 2005 01:13 PM PST its just a phase jazz, one of the initial phases of spinsterhood, hehe... ulk. serious na... ganun talaga... we can't help it. we just have feel that soltera gush every now and then. yup, every now and then... meaning it won't be the last time. beliv me, we need that in order for us to appreciate the next good-looking bachelor that we are going to meet, or cherish the next lakwatsa with our family and friends. mahirap aminin noh, lalo na pag sanay ka nang single at walang ibang inaasikaso kundi sarili mo.
kung talagang atat ka nang magka-papa, magpray ka nang magpray na ibigay na ni Lord sayo. heheh, mahirap yan baka madepress ka mashado. joke.
darating din yan. in God's time. ireregalo nya sayo ang taong deserve mo, kung kelan ready ka na.
