For the sake of myself
being remembered by my short-term memory I write lines--overly non-sensical
lines of random thoughts burning with pessimism, nauseous hopelessness, spoofable
reflections, gibberish rants and sometimes retracting suicidal grains of food
cravings, insane cursings... I don't write to be appreciated. My fiction deserves
no attention. I type blank-spaced blahs of words, similar to forgetful lines
if ever you are reading these words, forgive yourself on why the heck you've
thought of browsing this page. You might feel depressed as I ponder my thoughts
on my life... so you better exit now and save yourself from insanity. Bow.
Sheethead
Queen
This is a blog written by the queen of Sheetheads. Wondering what that word
means? Sheethead is a clay mineral powder which is used to absorb oil and
grease from non-washable fabrics. Or maybe it means a head full of bright
semi-shitty crappy ideas. Or maybe Sheethead doesn’t mean anything.
This blog is
full-heartedly dedicated to Smokey’s hotdog, isaw, hematophobics, Master
Splinter of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to people strangled by the Sheethead,
to anti-posers, to the late Luis Taruc and other Pinoy liberalists and nationalists,
to the Visayan nephew, to paranoid loving parents, to siblings and relatives,
to Christian Bautista, to Iranians, to Quentin Tarantino, to UAAP fans who’ve
mistaken this blog as their idols’ fan site, to the wondrous sights
of the Philippines and of course, to YOU! YIHEE!
Quote
for the day:
If you do not know who I am, maybe you do not know who I am.
Thus, I’ve
crafted “Ten Magnificent Random Things You Should Know About
Me.” Only 90% of this is authentic. 1 is a lie.
1. I am a 24 year
old IT analyst in denial. I am an MIS graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University. I have been blogging since 2004 and developed my asthma while being bored with corporate life.
2. I am afraid of blood and roaches.
3. I am currently addicted to Damien Rice's, Up Dharma Down's and The Beatles' music.
4. I have mild amnesia and I am a fulfilled insomniac.
5. My dream is to be DOT's secretary someday.
6. I still dream of becoming a rockstar someday.br>
7. I crave for lobsters, isaw, kilawin, Meatshop's steak, more prawns, oyster, Lord Stow egg tart, Philadelphia cheesecake, aligue, calif maki, leche flan and tomato soup.
8. My knight will soon take me to Sagada, Mt. Pinatubo, Camiguin, Siquijor,
Sorsogon, Siargao, Isabela and Sulu.
9. Horsebackriding was my passion. Surfing is my dream.
10. I love singing DJ Alvaro's songs on videoke.
Wishlist:
Condo in Makati, Canon EOS 40D, Wii, TV Stick Tuner for iMac, stone driller, Godfather original DVD, P.O.A dress, violet Chuckies, free one month massage, Kitkat, Choco Mallows, Lord Stow egg tart lifetime supply, JBL sound system, B Series MB, violet Samsonite luggage, gold Rolex watch, all expense-paid trip to Batanes, Tokyo, Mt. Pinatubo, New Zealand, Siargao, Marinduque, Guimaras, Swiss Alps, France, Himalayas, Africa
Book-o-rama
Great Reads:
Alan Lightman, Nietzsche, Freud, Jessica Hagedorn,
Randy David, Conrado de Quiros, Dave Eggers, JD Salinger, Mark Haddon, Lourd de Veyra,
Doug Lansky, Michael Cunningham, Frank McCourt, Harper Lee, Gabriel Garcia
Marquez, Ramil Gulle, Bill Watterson, Roald Dahl, Nick Joaquin, Robert Fulghum,
Neil Gaiman, Citiatlas
Music-worthy
Lokals:
Dicta License, Up Dharma Down, Urban Dub, Sugarfree, Cynthia Alexander, Rivermaya, Radioactive Sago Project, P.O.T., Imago, Razorback, Wolfgang, Orange and Lemons, Brownbeat All Stars, Bamboo, The Bridge, Sugar Hiccups, Sheila and the Insects, Sponge Cola, Sandwich, Sponge Cola, Session Road, Kjwan, Kapatid, Barbie’s Cradle, The Teeth, Eraserheads, HYP, Joey Ayala, Gary Granada, Brownman Revival, True Faith, Side A, Parokya ni Edgar, Freestyle, South Border, Christian Bautista, Michael Cruz, Gary V.
Music-worthy Foreign Invasions:
Smashing Pumpkins, The BEATLES, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Damien Rice, Nirvana, Moonpools and Caterpillars, Aida Broadway, Foo Fighters, Oasis, 311, Our Lady Peace, Pearl Jam, Incubus, Deftones, System of A Down, Jars of Clay, Fra Lippo Lippi, Depeche Mode, The White Stripes, Janis Joplin, Boyz II Men, Silverchair, The White Stripes, Caetano Veloso, Tracy Chapman, No Doubt, Vertical Horizon, A Perfect Circle, Snow Patrol, Ne-yo, Regina Spektor, Keane, Sarah McLachlan, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Usher, Live, Rage Against the Machine, Cold Play, Alanis Morisette, 50 Cent, Cranberries, Jewel, Tori Amos, Staind, Blur, Stevie Wonder, At The Drive-In, Nat King Cole, Goo Goo Dolls
Movie
Mania
In
The Mood For Love, Big Time!, Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Reality Bites, Legend of 1900, Gattaca, I am David, Endo, Juno, Kite Runner, Schindler's
List, , Olivier, Olivier, Fight Club, City of God, Chungking Express, Cinema
Paradiso, Malena, Children of Heaven, Children of Paradise, Primal Fear, American
History X, Fahrenheit 9/11, Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon, Karnal, Fallen,
Catch Me If You Can, Fallen Angels, La Jette, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Perros,
The Crime of Padre Amarro, Legend of the Falls, In America, American Beauty,
Snow Falling On Cedars, Amelie, Run Lola Run, Talk To Her, The Rainmaker,
Seven, Life is Beautiful, My Best Friend's Wedding, Confessions of A Dangerous
Mind, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Kill Bill, Godfather 1, Motorcycle Diaries,
Godfather 2, Closer, Mulan, Shawshank Redemption, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest, The Others, Practical Magic, Chocolat, The Matrix 1, Shrek, Monsters,
Inc., Almost Famous, The Pianist, Girl Interrupted, Lost in Translation, Cider
House Rules, Devil's Advocate, Dead Man Walking, Philadelphia, Citizen Kane,
Not One Less, Minority Report, Sixth Sense, Big Fish, Kill Bill 2, Godfather
3, Artificial Intelligence, Killing Me Softly, Vertical Limit, L'Appartement,
Au Revoir Les Enfantes, Osama, The Adaptation, Imelda, Queen Margot, American
Rhapsody, La Vida Rosa, Before Sunset, Waking Life
Alaala. Sinasabi nilang walang saysay ang buhay kung walang alaala. Sa pagtanda ng tao, unti-unting bumabalik ang mala-sanggol na kaniyang kawalan ng alaala. Marahil ikinatatakot ng lahat ang pagsulpot ng delubyong pagka-ulyanin-- ang kawalan ng abilidad ng kaniyang memoryang balik-tanawan ang mga matitingkad na araw ng kaniyang buhay.
Parang laro nga sa atin ng kalikasan ang isilang tayo na halos walang memorya. Pagkatapos, unti-unti nating matututunan ang mga dapat, hindi dapat, mga bagay na makapagpasasaya sa atin, atbp. Napatatalas natin ang ating kaisipan dahil sa ating mga karanasan. Sa pagaalala ng ating mga mali, nahuhubog natin ang ating sarili sa wasto. Mas napatitibay natin ang ating relasyon sa iba sa pagbabahagi ng ating mga alaala ukol sa ating mga “karanasan ng aking buhay.” Ngunit, babawiin ito lahat ng kalikasan. Parang hihinto ang pagpapalago ng mga alaala, kasabay ng parami ng paraming madidiskubreng rayuma, kanser, pilay, katarata at iba pang kalubhaan ng ating may hanggang katawan. Malalagay din tayo sa kondisyon ni Inang o Amang na ulyanin. Babalik din tayo sa pagka-sanggol ng isang matanda—kailangang may mag-aruga, kumalinga, umunawa sa mga tunog na hindi naman naisasalita.
Minsan hindi pa man tayo tumutungtong sa sisenta o anumang puting-buhok-de-edad, pabuga-buga nang susulpot sa atin si Mr. Dakilang Pagka-ulyanin. Noong nakaraang linggo, nasara ang aking ATM dulot ng pagkalimot ko sa aking PIN. Ang resulta ng anim na numerong nakaligtaan? Tipid sa pagkain, saktong pambayad sa parking at walang pambayad sa gasolina. Papaano pa kaya kung laging nasa dulo na lamang lagi ng ating mga dila ang ating nais sabihin? Si kuwan, ano, ire, ganoon at ano pang mga kalabuan lamang ang maisasalita natin gawa ng kawalan ng memorya. At para kang sirang plakang paulit-ulit-ulit-ulit sa kuwento at katanungan dulot ng kawalan ng memorya.
Hindi ba at napaka-importante ng ating mga alaala? Maapektuhan lamang ang iyong utak dala ng stroke o anumang kalubhaan, hindi na makauusad ang buhay mo kagaya ng dati… dahil wala kang kapasidad kumilala, umunawa, rumisponde o umalala, animo’y magiging gulay ka. Bato! Buhangin. Nakahilatang papel. Walang alaala.
Minsan iniisip ko, paano nga kung ang buhay ay alaala lamang? Iyun bang alaalang hindi mo malaman kung totoo o hindi… At dahil traydor at selektibo ang alaala, baka ang buhay ay kasinungalingan at puno ng kawalan! Para bang kapag nananaginip ka, akala mo totoo na… ngunit bigla ka na lamang mayayanig at wala naman pala! Paano kung ang ngayon ay alaala ng nakaraan ng totoong ngayon pala? Kung ang ngayon ay alaalang hindi kumpleto, maikling pagbabalik-tanaw lamang pala?
Iniisip ko rin, kapag nahimlay na ang tao, saan hahantong ang kaniyang mga alaala? Nabubura ba ito na parang pera ng gobyernong bula o nadadala ng isang espirito sa langit (kung may langit man)? Maaalala pa kaya ng kaluluwa ang paborito niyang damit, pangalan ng kaniyang mga magulang at araw ng kaniyang kamatayan sa paradiso?
Basta ang alam ko mahalaga ang mga alaala at ang pagbabahagi nito sa ating kapwa. Sa pamamagitan nito, nasasariwa ang ating mga karanasan, nasisisid muli ang kalaliman ng buhay at nasasang-ayunan ang kagandahan (puwede ring kasamaan) ng sanlibutan. Sa pamamagitan ng alaala, nabubuhay ang kasaysayan, nagpapatuloy ang buhay.
