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For the sake of myself being remembered by my short-term memory I write lines--overly non-sensical lines of random thoughts burning with pessimism, nauseous hopelessness, spoofable reflections, gibberish rants and sometimes retracting suicidal grains of food cravings, insane cursings... I don't write to be appreciated. My fiction deserves no attention. I type blank-spaced blahs of words, similar to forgetful lines if ever you are reading these words, forgive yourself on why the heck you've thought of browsing this page. You might feel depressed as I ponder my thoughts on my life... so you better exit now and save yourself from insanity. Bow.

Sheethead Queen
This is a blog written by the queen of Sheetheads. Wondering what that word means? Sheethead is a clay mineral powder which is used to absorb oil and grease from non-washable fabrics. Or maybe it means a head full of bright semi-shitty crappy ideas. Or maybe Sheethead doesn’t mean anything.

This blog is full-heartedly dedicated to Smokey’s hotdog, isaw, hematophobics, Master Splinter of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to people strangled by the Sheethead, to anti-posers, to the late Luis Taruc and other Pinoy liberalists and nationalists, to the Visayan nephew, to paranoid loving parents, to siblings and relatives, to Christian Bautista, to Iranians, to Quentin Tarantino, to UAAP fans who’ve mistaken this blog as their idols’ fan site, to the wondrous sights of the Philippines and of course, to YOU! YIHEE!

Quote for the day:
If you do not know who I am, maybe you do not know who I am.

Thus, I’ve crafted “Ten Magnificent Random Things You Should Know About Me.” Only 90% of this is authentic. 1 is a lie.

1. I am a 24 year old IT analyst in denial. I am an MIS graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University. I have been blogging since 2004 and developed my asthma while being bored with corporate life.
2. I am afraid of blood and roaches.
3. I am currently addicted to Damien Rice's, Up Dharma Down's and The Beatles' music.
4. I have mild amnesia and I am a fulfilled insomniac.
5. My dream is to be DOT's secretary someday.
6. I still dream of becoming a rockstar someday.br> 7. I crave for lobsters, isaw, kilawin, Meatshop's steak, more prawns, oyster, Lord Stow egg tart, Philadelphia cheesecake, aligue, calif maki, leche flan and tomato soup.
8. My knight will soon take me to Sagada, Mt. Pinatubo, Camiguin, Siquijor, Sorsogon, Siargao, Isabela and Sulu.
9. Horsebackriding was my passion. Surfing is my dream.
10. I love singing DJ Alvaro's songs on videoke.

Wishlist:

Condo in Makati, Canon EOS 40D, Wii, TV Stick Tuner for iMac, stone driller, Godfather original DVD, P.O.A dress, violet Chuckies, free one month massage, Kitkat, Choco Mallows, Lord Stow egg tart lifetime supply, JBL sound system, B Series MB, violet Samsonite luggage, gold Rolex watch, all expense-paid trip to Batanes, Tokyo, Mt. Pinatubo, New Zealand, Siargao, Marinduque, Guimaras, Swiss Alps, France, Himalayas, Africa

Book-o-rama Great Reads:

Alan Lightman, Nietzsche, Freud, Jessica Hagedorn, Randy David, Conrado de Quiros, Dave Eggers, JD Salinger, Mark Haddon, Lourd de Veyra, Doug Lansky, Michael Cunningham, Frank McCourt, Harper Lee, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Ramil Gulle, Bill Watterson, Roald Dahl, Nick Joaquin, Robert Fulghum, Neil Gaiman, Citiatlas

Music-worthy Lokals:
Dicta License, Up Dharma Down, Urban Dub, Sugarfree, Cynthia Alexander, Rivermaya, Radioactive Sago Project, P.O.T., Imago, Razorback, Wolfgang, Orange and Lemons, Brownbeat All Stars, Bamboo, The Bridge, Sugar Hiccups, Sheila and the Insects, Sponge Cola, Sandwich, Sponge Cola, Session Road, Kjwan, Kapatid, Barbie’s Cradle, The Teeth, Eraserheads, HYP, Joey Ayala, Gary Granada, Brownman Revival, True Faith, Side A, Parokya ni Edgar, Freestyle, South Border, Christian Bautista, Michael Cruz, Gary V.

Music-worthy Foreign Invasions:
Smashing Pumpkins, The BEATLES, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Damien Rice, Nirvana, Moonpools and Caterpillars, Aida Broadway, Foo Fighters, Oasis, 311, Our Lady Peace, Pearl Jam, Incubus, Deftones, System of A Down, Jars of Clay, Fra Lippo Lippi, Depeche Mode, The White Stripes, Janis Joplin, Boyz II Men, Silverchair, The White Stripes, Caetano Veloso, Tracy Chapman, No Doubt, Vertical Horizon, A Perfect Circle, Snow Patrol, Ne-yo, Regina Spektor, Keane, Sarah McLachlan, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Usher, Live, Rage Against the Machine, Cold Play, Alanis Morisette, 50 Cent, Cranberries, Jewel, Tori Amos, Staind, Blur, Stevie Wonder, At The Drive-In, Nat King Cole, Goo Goo Dolls

Movie Mania
In The Mood For Love, Big Time!, Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Reality Bites, Legend of 1900, Gattaca, I am David, Endo, Juno, Kite Runner, Schindler's List, , Olivier, Olivier, Fight Club, City of God, Chungking Express, Cinema Paradiso, Malena, Children of Heaven, Children of Paradise, Primal Fear, American History X, Fahrenheit 9/11, Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon, Karnal, Fallen, Catch Me If You Can, Fallen Angels, La Jette, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Perros, The Crime of Padre Amarro, Legend of the Falls, In America, American Beauty, Snow Falling On Cedars, Amelie, Run Lola Run, Talk To Her, The Rainmaker, Seven, Life is Beautiful, My Best Friend's Wedding, Confessions of A Dangerous Mind, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Kill Bill, Godfather 1, Motorcycle Diaries, Godfather 2, Closer, Mulan, Shawshank Redemption, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Others, Practical Magic, Chocolat, The Matrix 1, Shrek, Monsters, Inc., Almost Famous, The Pianist, Girl Interrupted, Lost in Translation, Cider House Rules, Devil's Advocate, Dead Man Walking, Philadelphia, Citizen Kane, Not One Less, Minority Report, Sixth Sense, Big Fish, Kill Bill 2, Godfather 3, Artificial Intelligence, Killing Me Softly, Vertical Limit, L'Appartement, Au Revoir Les Enfantes, Osama, The Adaptation, Imelda, Queen Margot, American Rhapsody, La Vida Rosa, Before Sunset, Waking Life

Go Away. Click these. But link me please:

LINKS
ADMU2005  Ala   Birdie  Cel  Che Lives   Cleyops   Conrado de Quiros  Cynthia  Damien  Gameplan   Happy Tree Friends   Helen   Hyza   Ian  Je-Em  Joy  Neil Gaiman  Orange&Lemons  Peper   Pex   PixelGirl   Polly  Quark Henares   Rage  RSP  Secrets  Sheila and the Insects Urban Dub   Green Minded      Jaja   Jenie Tish Travel Factor

 

Everything Maldita.
Mga Malditas' Multiply
Icar's Bloga 
Ice 
Icar's Multiply 
Abby's Multiply  
Abby 
DJ's Multiply
High Blood Cum Laude

Travelogue Decadents of Some Sort:

Banaue Batanes  Bolinao  Circle Divisoria Marinduque Tate

Mga Memorableng Nakaraang Artikulo:



The Tale of Sweet Valley and Other Books
Being Boyfriendless at 20
Thoughts on Poverty
Death Wishes
Black Nazarene
Melanie Quotable Quotes
Quiapo
Reality Bit Me
My Metro Love Story Part 1
My Metro Love Story Part 2
Boo Boos
7 Corners Food Review
Why Blog?
Alaala
Usapang Pagkain
A Wrong God?
Murder Cases sa Planetang Dynpro
Cinema and Culture
iPod, oh iPod!
Cynic Bday Girl
Ambitions
Bus Adventure
Tanghaling Tapat
Carbon Copy
Longing and Mundane Things
The Arrogance of Figures
Burst
Bloody 50++ jesus christs
Sadness
Para sa Araw ng Kakilig-kilig
Huli sa Gabi
Laging Wala, Wala
Buhay
Mud Despondency
An Overflowing Expression Of My Love
Black Hole Fiction
MMDA Adventure
My Insensitivity Triggered by melancholic thoughts
kuyakoy
Bolinao 1
Thoughts on the recurring question...
Divisoria, Tutuban and Espanya Rock!!!
lo's death anniv and my first driver's license

 

 



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Sunday, July 31, 2005
Ambitions

            It was not too long ago when we were kids filling up autograph books with our ambitions. Funny how our ambitions turn into something else. We imagine ourselves to be this and that but sooner or later we find out that we love other things… or it is best to play safe and deviate from our wildest dreams… or our ambitions simply die with time.

            I have dreamt of becoming almost all professions in this world yet up to now, I don’t know what to do in life. I change my ambitions too often that I’m a bit confused as what path to take in this life. I get frustrated when I want to be this and that but I know that I couldn’t because of certain constraints that couldn’t be avoided.   

            It is quite strange that I have had simple ordinary but wild dreams when I was a kid and how those turned into vague “open-ended” ambitions.

As a kid, I dreamt of too many professions. I hoped to become a magician for how many months. I performed tricks of transforming 2-ply tissue papers into 2 separate tissue papers. I imagined my cousins and Lolo to be amazed with my talent. I felt that I was the only one who discovered the magical separation of 2-ply tissue papers. Then one day, while I showcased my talent of letting Mastermind pieces disappear inside my nostrils, my nose bled and my Papa had to accompany me at the hospital. The magician in me suddenly died away with the Mastermind piece left at the doctor’s tray as my siblings laughed at my magic mishap.

I dreamt of becoming a soldier instead, inspired by the fine-looking blouses G.I. Jane wore. I aspired of combating enemies and the evil with my special powers and my speedy bike. But after my parents bought me a black medical bag, I forgot about my G.I. ambition and dreamt of becoming a doctor instead. I would always carry my bag even inside the shopping mall. I would craft monologues with my imaginary patients, even putting plastic band aids and plasters to my stuff toys. For a long time, I was so decided to pursue a medical career even boasting to my Titos and Titas that I would follow the footsteps of my Lolo and Ninong. I do not know what happened with that dream but after how many years I have phobia of the blood and faint whenever doctors get blood sample from me.

I also remember envisioning myself to become the Little Miss Philippines. I practiced lines and songs and hoped to become the next Aiza Segguerra. My parents would always say that I was still too young and that I must wait for another year. After how many years have passed, I became old and convinced that maybe I was an ugly duckling and winning a talent contest was not my destiny.

Next, I wanted to become a gasoline girl, envying the job of our gasoline boys. I would always persuade my Papa to let me be one of the gasoline boys but that didn’t happen and soon enough, I became allergic to the smell of gasoline. I also wanted to become a cashier and luckily, my mother let me be the youngest cashier in our grocery store. Our customers were so amazed how the 10 years old in me could punch grocery items with such speed. But then, soon enough I got tired of prices of products and faces of customers.

At some point in my life, I also dreamt of becoming a traffic aide. I don’t know why but it must have been their stunning commands of “stop and go” that lured me to dream of becoming one of them. Then, several years after, I got my wish granted and became an MMDA for our philosophy class for twelve hours. It was one of my best and scary experiences in life yet I am convinced not to dream of stopping huge full-size buses and trucks.

As a kid, I also dreamt of becoming a newscaster. I love it when European reporters in their well-tailored blazers enunciate words with such brilliance. But I don’t have a talent in speaking so I had to bid farewell to this lifetime dream.

I also dreamt of becoming a “hacker” or a “computer expert” after watching Sandra Bullock in a computer thriller. She’s one of the main reasons why I’m stuck with I.T. Blame it on her! Now, programming isn’t one of the things that I love yet I’m paid to do it. And it’s all because of that silly Hollywood movie that pulled me into this lovely mess.

One of these days my career counsellor would ask me to set about my target for the next fiscal year. To become a software engineer? An analyst? That doesn’t sound appealing to me. I want to become a rockstar instead (but I don’t sing that well and I don’t have a band) or a tour guide/DOTC official in this lovely country (but that wouldn’t pay my materialistic worldly needs) or a diver (but I don’t have a license) or a businesswoman selling girly clothes and accessories (but I don’t have capital) or this or this or that... I have too plenty of ambitions with so many BUTs. Oh well, might as well make the most of being a "Sandra Bullock" trapped into a Planet Dynpro. Err.


Posted at 7/31/2005 7:08:28 pm by jazzthoughts

 

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