For the sake of myself
being remembered by my short-term memory I write lines--overly non-sensical
lines of random thoughts burning with pessimism, nauseous hopelessness, spoofable
reflections, gibberish rants and sometimes retracting suicidal grains of food
cravings, insane cursings... I don't write to be appreciated. My fiction deserves
no attention. I type blank-spaced blahs of words, similar to forgetful lines
if ever you are reading these words, forgive yourself on why the heck you've
thought of browsing this page. You might feel depressed as I ponder my thoughts
on my life... so you better exit now and save yourself from insanity. Bow.
Sheethead
Queen
This is a blog written by the queen of Sheetheads. Wondering what that word
means? Sheethead is a clay mineral powder which is used to absorb oil and
grease from non-washable fabrics. Or maybe it means a head full of bright
semi-shitty crappy ideas. Or maybe Sheethead doesn’t mean anything.
This blog is
full-heartedly dedicated to Smokey’s hotdog, isaw, hematophobics, Master
Splinter of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to people strangled by the Sheethead,
to anti-posers, to the late Luis Taruc and other Pinoy liberalists and nationalists,
to the Visayan nephew, to paranoid loving parents, to siblings and relatives,
to Christian Bautista, to Iranians, to Quentin Tarantino, to UAAP fans who’ve
mistaken this blog as their idols’ fan site, to the wondrous sights
of the Philippines and of course, to YOU! YIHEE!
Quote
for the day:
If you do not know who I am, maybe you do not know who I am.
Thus, I’ve
crafted “Ten Magnificent Random Things You Should Know About
Me.” Only 90% of this is authentic. 1 is a lie.
1. I am a 24 year
old IT analyst in denial. I am an MIS graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University. I have been blogging since 2004 and developed my asthma while being bored with corporate life.
2. I am afraid of blood and roaches.
3. I am currently addicted to Damien Rice's, Up Dharma Down's and The Beatles' music.
4. I have mild amnesia and I am a fulfilled insomniac.
5. My dream is to be DOT's secretary someday.
6. I still dream of becoming a rockstar someday.br>
7. I crave for lobsters, isaw, kilawin, Meatshop's steak, more prawns, oyster, Lord Stow egg tart, Philadelphia cheesecake, aligue, calif maki, leche flan and tomato soup.
8. My knight will soon take me to Sagada, Mt. Pinatubo, Camiguin, Siquijor,
Sorsogon, Siargao, Isabela and Sulu.
9. Horsebackriding was my passion. Surfing is my dream.
10. I love singing DJ Alvaro's songs on videoke.
Wishlist:
Condo in Makati, Canon EOS 40D, Wii, TV Stick Tuner for iMac, stone driller, Godfather original DVD, P.O.A dress, violet Chuckies, free one month massage, Kitkat, Choco Mallows, Lord Stow egg tart lifetime supply, JBL sound system, B Series MB, violet Samsonite luggage, gold Rolex watch, all expense-paid trip to Batanes, Tokyo, Mt. Pinatubo, New Zealand, Siargao, Marinduque, Guimaras, Swiss Alps, France, Himalayas, Africa
Book-o-rama
Great Reads:
Alan Lightman, Nietzsche, Freud, Jessica Hagedorn,
Randy David, Conrado de Quiros, Dave Eggers, JD Salinger, Mark Haddon, Lourd de Veyra,
Doug Lansky, Michael Cunningham, Frank McCourt, Harper Lee, Gabriel Garcia
Marquez, Ramil Gulle, Bill Watterson, Roald Dahl, Nick Joaquin, Robert Fulghum,
Neil Gaiman, Citiatlas
Music-worthy
Lokals:
Dicta License, Up Dharma Down, Urban Dub, Sugarfree, Cynthia Alexander, Rivermaya, Radioactive Sago Project, P.O.T., Imago, Razorback, Wolfgang, Orange and Lemons, Brownbeat All Stars, Bamboo, The Bridge, Sugar Hiccups, Sheila and the Insects, Sponge Cola, Sandwich, Sponge Cola, Session Road, Kjwan, Kapatid, Barbie’s Cradle, The Teeth, Eraserheads, HYP, Joey Ayala, Gary Granada, Brownman Revival, True Faith, Side A, Parokya ni Edgar, Freestyle, South Border, Christian Bautista, Michael Cruz, Gary V.
Music-worthy Foreign Invasions:
Smashing Pumpkins, The BEATLES, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Damien Rice, Nirvana, Moonpools and Caterpillars, Aida Broadway, Foo Fighters, Oasis, 311, Our Lady Peace, Pearl Jam, Incubus, Deftones, System of A Down, Jars of Clay, Fra Lippo Lippi, Depeche Mode, The White Stripes, Janis Joplin, Boyz II Men, Silverchair, The White Stripes, Caetano Veloso, Tracy Chapman, No Doubt, Vertical Horizon, A Perfect Circle, Snow Patrol, Ne-yo, Regina Spektor, Keane, Sarah McLachlan, Ben Folds Five, Third Eye Blind, Usher, Live, Rage Against the Machine, Cold Play, Alanis Morisette, 50 Cent, Cranberries, Jewel, Tori Amos, Staind, Blur, Stevie Wonder, At The Drive-In, Nat King Cole, Goo Goo Dolls
Movie
Mania
In
The Mood For Love, Big Time!, Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Reality Bites, Legend of 1900, Gattaca, I am David, Endo, Juno, Kite Runner, Schindler's
List, , Olivier, Olivier, Fight Club, City of God, Chungking Express, Cinema
Paradiso, Malena, Children of Heaven, Children of Paradise, Primal Fear, American
History X, Fahrenheit 9/11, Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon, Karnal, Fallen,
Catch Me If You Can, Fallen Angels, La Jette, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Perros,
The Crime of Padre Amarro, Legend of the Falls, In America, American Beauty,
Snow Falling On Cedars, Amelie, Run Lola Run, Talk To Her, The Rainmaker,
Seven, Life is Beautiful, My Best Friend's Wedding, Confessions of A Dangerous
Mind, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Kill Bill, Godfather 1, Motorcycle Diaries,
Godfather 2, Closer, Mulan, Shawshank Redemption, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest, The Others, Practical Magic, Chocolat, The Matrix 1, Shrek, Monsters,
Inc., Almost Famous, The Pianist, Girl Interrupted, Lost in Translation, Cider
House Rules, Devil's Advocate, Dead Man Walking, Philadelphia, Citizen Kane,
Not One Less, Minority Report, Sixth Sense, Big Fish, Kill Bill 2, Godfather
3, Artificial Intelligence, Killing Me Softly, Vertical Limit, L'Appartement,
Au Revoir Les Enfantes, Osama, The Adaptation, Imelda, Queen Margot, American
Rhapsody, La Vida Rosa, Before Sunset, Waking Life
I started having crush when I was four years old. He was the only tisoy in our nursery class. When I turned six years old, I had another crush—another tisoy kid. Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve candles came and crushes became ordinary excitement causing agents as the “Describe your loved one” question on the autograph book became a quiet task for the kid in me. I thought that I was in love at that time, having been mutually linked to some boys in our school. I guess that it must have been a trend, as childish gossips were the ultimate pastime of those days. As Marimar cuddled the Sergio of his life, as if I had the blessing of a Marimar (but gee, I don’t have anything to brag about), I only had crushes to those possessing some physical perfection and nothing more else. Then, I transferred to an all-girls exclusive school in Manila.
Boys suddenly disappeared to my everyday sight except for professors who either looked like a father to me or as gay as gay. Except for occassional bumping with some Ateneans at the FriendshipBridge, my aorta was as dry as a handyman’s feet. Some classmates of mine started buying their Cliniques, but I was stuck with Lip Gloss with its legendary delicious strawberry flavor. Boys and handsome-looking-girls became my highschoolmates’ primetime obsession while I hold on to my Close-Up Boy, Bush’s Gavin and Barry Watson dreams. School fairs were glee-inducing for us boys-deprived Knollers. You have to wear your best teenage clothes during the three-day fair. But much to the bewilderment of pubescent kids, affairs ended with the soiree’s spin the bottle, nine minutes in heaven and the school fair’s dance and variety show. Only those with flirting slash PR capabilities and holy-broccoli-looks were able to go beyond the shortage crisis of an all-girls school. You’ve guessed that I don’t have the former and the latter. Hot girls of my alma mater sported their teenage boyfriends, resulting into the competition of hunky varsity players… who were also women.
After high school, most of us Knollers transferred to co-ed universities, having been deprived of men for a very very long time. As months and years went by, most of us finally had their first boyfriends… even tomboys of our batch became hot girls of their new universities. As for me, I wasn’t able to victimize any juvenile spirit of the male specie. Perhaps, it was my feminist blood or the balancing act of yin and yang to recompense my luck in raffle and contests. Perhaps, Mother’s suplada gene wasn’t recessive for me. My crush lists soon turned into a guilt-free recipe of Lentil Bolognese Pasta. I knew that either my “objects of crushing” didn’t deserve me or that I am too shy to break the traditional Filipina stereotypical roles. I didn’t become the “object of crushing” of anybody except for some who were accidentaly hit by excessive sickness of the cornea. But these cornea-deficient fools gave me goosebumps, instead of flattery. Soon, almost all of my friends have tasted joys of the lamentable unsurprising roses-giving-every-Heart-Pumping-Day, french kisses of the fireflies bacterium and free Friday dinner buddies.
I graduated last March, without any luck. Yes, I am the only one in the family who at 20, still has a Friendster status of “Single.” Whenever they ask me if I have a boyfriend, I could smell their compassion oozing with “Poor you” remarks. Blind dates and setups were supposed to link my left ventricle to another guy’s right ventricle but much to the lousy fairy tales, I remain as single as a hermit to this day. I still don’t know how to put on make-up correctly and to groom my self properly, causing successive rants that I am “hindi ayos” and “unpresentable” that as if I am selling my great single self.
I didn’t write this as a press release that I am indeed a loser at twenty. My lovelife doors are as closed as my programming books have expired. At twenty, it is still safe to be single and “never been loved.” Sure, relationships might nourish your self but commitments aren’t as easy as instant noodles. Even if the human in me is hormonal and is in need of feeling “loved-cared-for-and-die-for,” I can get by daily cheesy situations and vent out these needs to nearly-stalking syndromes and crush fascination outbreaks. I could handle years of seeing movies with an empty buddy seat. But hey, I wrote this nearly-fictional blog to say that at twenty, you do not need to pressure me for my aorta is my own pumping aorta. At thirty, maybe, it would be a perilous age to say the things that I’ve said in this blog. On a sidenote, I am a healthy lucky loser crushing too many people to be a serious loyal woman in a relationship. Having a boyfriend isn’t the only thing that must happen in this short happy sappy life.
